Hello all! Since I’ve recently realised (by realised I mean that he told me) that I’m an expert at driving my boyfriend insane, I decided to share my wisdom tips with you. Just make sure, whenever you follow any of the underneath mentioned advice that your better half really really loves you and is the most patient person in the world… if not you might find yourself single again, thankfully mine matches perfectly this description.
Just to make this list a bit more organised I divided it into categories.
#1: Ask him what you should blog about – which results to posts like this once he tells you.
#2: Asking to call the groomer for a dog-haircut appointment the day they are closed.
#3: Have him try a couple of times more if they don’t answer.
#4: Ask him to call again, another day that again they are closed.
#5: Ask him to check their website to see when the hell are they open!
#6: Ask him to take the dog out because your hair is wet (requires bath or shower before).
#7: Hide the poop-bags, so he never finds them when he needs to take the dog out.
#8: Ask him to hold the dog after the dog bath.
#9: Complain that he smells like “wet dog”.
#10: Complain that he has dog hair on his shirt.
#11: Start to remove the dog-hair in public (and try to look like a monkey-mom cleaning her monkey-babies).
#12: Ask him over and over how much he loves the dog and isn’t he/she like a baby?
#13: If he makes the mistake to say that he loves the dog very much, ask him “More than me?” and look sad.
#14: In case you were the one out with the dog, try to describe the best way you can the size, colour etc of the poop the dog made 😀
#15: Blame him for the size of the poop for giving the dog plenty of treats.
#16: Ask him to bring you something the moment he sat down.
#17: The moment he is about to grab it tell him “Nevermind, I don’t need it”.
#18: If he is about to get up and asks you if you want something tell him no and then… see #16.
#19: If he is bringing you something that is wrapped ask him why he didn’t unwrap it first (don’t do this for gifts).
#20: Ask him to sit just one inch closer or further the moment you see him being comfortable next to you.
#21: If you are laying on the couch put your feet on him and ask him to give you a foot massage.
#22: In the rare case that he actually does give you one, pretend you get tickled and accidently kick him (softly).
#23: Ask him to cover you with a blanket, then ask him why is he also not getting under it (works better with warm weather).
#24: When both under the blanket, start moving in order to pull it more on your side and leave him uncovered.
Of course you can ask to drive and let it happen by itself… Or… Let him drive and have fun!
#25: Out of nowhere say “Oh!” Then look out of the window, if he asks what’s going on don’t answer, 30 seconds later ask him “Sorry, did you say something?”
#26: Tell him “Oh look a helicopter!”, in case he asks where answer “in the sky”.
#27: After a while pop up with “oh here is the helicopter again!”, if he reacts and checks around just answer “oh you just missed it”.
#28: When you arrive wherever you are supposed to be, point at a bird and say “helicopter!”
#29: At a red light asking to hold something for you while you search in your purse for something. Keep searching even when the light gets green.
#30: Asking him to put the heater on while windows are open – do the same with air-condition.
#31: Yell at him “Did you fart?”, just get pissed and open the window. If he answers “yes” keep being pissed.
#32: When you enter the car, hopefully before he does, move a bit the mirror on your side or the rear view mirror.
#33: Leave contantly trash in your side-door (no food of course!), preferably small stuff that are hard for him to grab.
#34: If he is too fast ask him if he’d like you to explain to him that he can take his foot off the gas pedal.
#35: Explain him that the speed limit, is limit not a minimum requirement.
#36: If he goes without you ask him to get you the most absurd things, like a hard-boiled egg slicer or a pinnapple peeler.
#37: When at the Super-Market, just vanish (put your cell on silent beforehand).
#38: Ask him to read you something from the list. When he tells you what is written tell him you thought it said “mayonnaise”.
#39: A minute later ask him if he bought mayonnaise.
#40: Spend at least 3 minutes looking at the different choices of toilet papers.
#41: Bring 2 HUGE packs of toilet paper and ask him him opinion about them.
#42: If he is buying you a gift ask him for something very specific, to the colour. Then go back to the store and change it.
#43: Don’t waste your time in trying stuff you don’t really want to try. Better grab the most feminine thing ever and publicly ask him “Would you wear this?”.
#44: If he asks you what you want for a birthday etc, tell him to surprise you by getting you something you really really like.
#45: Or, simply ask him (act mad) “Do you honestly don’t know what I want? I dropped so many hints!”
#46: Take forever to find exactly what you want. Once you did, be unsure due to the price.
#47: Ask him how was work, before he starts interrupt him and tell him about your day.
#48: While watching a movie (preferably romantic) ask him with your sweetest voice if you guys are like that too to anything corny.
#49: Ask him his opinion about something, when he answers give him the “OMG-you-could-not-have-been-more-wrong” look.
#50: Whenever he is showing you something or is close enough to you, lick his arm 😀